is debi pearl’s “created to be his helpmeet” really biblical?

In the midst of all the Pearl discussions this week, I have heard from several moms who love Debi Pearl’s book Created to Be His Helpmeet and they have asked how in the world I could believe it isn’t Biblical. As popular a read as ever, I recently heard from one woman who had received a copy as a gift from a woman in her church who had handed out dozens of copies to women in the congregation.  She is not alone; one online reviewer shared how she had purchased 400 copies to give away herself!

Since it has been a long time since I listened to my series of podcasts on the patriarchy movement and patriocentricity, I pulled it up again and listened. I would encourage you to do the same if you haven’t heard them for a while and if you have never heard them, please begin listening today! There is just so much background information that will help you place the Pearls into context. (Note: It will also explain why, to this day, not a single homeschooling leader in the patriocentric movement has spoken out against the Pearl’s influence over the events that lead to the death of Lydia Schatz.) Karen Braun (Spunky Homeschool Mom) joins me to discuss both Created to Be His Helpmeet and So Much More by the Botkin sisters.

And while I am on this topic…I am currently researching, writing, interviewing, and editing podcasts for Patriarchy/Patriocentricity: The Sequel and would appreciate your continued prayers!

 photo Blog__Sidebar_Hello_zps79b9481b.png


  1. says

    Luke, ever since I started homeschooling, I have found myself in the same situation. I honestly want to study and learn more all the time. Except maybe about math. 🙂 As long as I can keep up with the laundry, the book learning continues to delight me. And, of course, listening to homeschooled children, each with their own areas of interest, helps, too. It is sad, to think, though, how much there is that I will never know….:)

  2. Mama says

    I believe some of the book accurately uses scripture. I am a fan of the book, however like one of the blogs you recommended everything must be tested with the Word. Some of Debi Pearl’s advice was useful and her opinions to be noted and some were not. Like anything in the world, we are to take the advice we hear and test it… that being said, I have to agree that the book does always line up biblically.

  3. Noel says

    I’ve seen the book about, but not read it. Is it just another popular book advocating for complementarian marriage ?

  4. lisa says

    Hi there!
    I am reading her book at the moment!
    and i am asking myself the same question!

  5. Jen says

    I am almost done with the book and it has changed my marriage in a matter of a few days. I have submitted and helped my husband God’s way. Took swallowing A LOT of pride, but it was amazing how natural it has become so soon. I have been filled with an immense amount of joy and our home is budding with love. I have double checked her scriptures and so far so good. But our lives speak loudly for themselves. I feel so energized and take a Godly pride in His role for me as my husband’s help meet. Today is his birthday and I pray I can make it the best so far. I pray for all women to know this joy! I used to be a “I don’t need a man” type of feminist who thought men were inferior and child like. If the Lord has found my heart through this, He can work through anyone. Praise to Him!

  6. Lawrie says

    As my children are homeschooling right now and I need to be available for them, so I need to write this quickly and concisely. One day the LORD may have me write regarding this issue with more actual references to scripture. That being said, I can see now the way the LORD has used CTBHHM as fuel for the fire that has refined me. It has been many years since that book tainted my mind with the teachings of the Pearls’, rather than filling my whole being with the Word of God and the teachings of Yeshua/Jesus. And it took many years to peel off the burnt layers of death, and to heal. Satan uses nearly all Truth, yet it is that 2% of untruth that makes it all deadly. That is how I know the teachings of the Pearls’ to be. God has shown me very clearly that it is not through my strength that my husband and I have a Holy and Beautiful relationship, but through Him alone. It has been through seeking the LORD, dying at HIS feet and being reborn into HIS own creation. As well, my husband is going through this transformation, also coming to know of God’s awesome Love for him.
    I have been through many books, all Christian, on the subject of being a wife, and also on parenting. Some have been written from the great (Godly) position of Love, and some (as in the case of CTBHHM) have been written from this strange, mutated, may I even be so bold as to say “demonic” position you call patriocentric. It is easy to fill my time with all my family and myself need and in the process miss the feelings I have about the “patriocentric” information out there and hoping that people see the Truth right away…so in this quick moment I just want to remind God’s people. If what you are reading is criticizing, condemning and/or rejecting then it is not from God. Another thing, it is extremely important to study the Hebrew first, and the Greek, and to understand the way a word has been used throughout the Bible. To really understand what is being said one must understand the way that a gender (masc/fem) language works, along with the way a language that has the “subjunctive” form works. English has none of this, so our understanding of how things translate cannot be understood at face value strictly from the KJV.
    We are works in progress, God is perfecting us, refining us, purifying us now. We are not perfect, we are being perfected in, and by Yeshua/Jesus. Just as we are instructed to continually bring every part of ourselves, including our thoughts and feelings, under Him, and to continually turn our faces to Him, we are not ever called to use His Word in (what I call) witchcraft, as we desperately long for a beautiful relationship with our husbands. We are never to try and manipulate God, following His Word in order to recieve our own ends. We are to seek God in all things that His way may profoundly become our way. In this our merry-ness and joy become despite what ever is happening in our lives. We are in this world, but not of this world. The Kingdom of God is here and now in Yeshua, in those of us who confess Yeshua as our one and only Salvation He does not call us to have a pretentiously “merry” countenance in order to change the world around us, but that the joy that comes through seeking His way and delving into His Word everyday gives us His Peace and Joy beyond our, and those around us, understanding. THAT is what transforms those around us, by His presence in us. He calls us to true joy in Him.
    Abundant Thanks to you all who took the time and energy to write this review. To do this you have been such a model to me of genuine love and care for families, and women as wives. I wish I had read these reviews of the Pearls’ long ago, before I ever read their books and newsletters. Yet, it has been through that difficult experience and it’s subsequent negative effect on me and my married relationship that I have come to know the true awesome Love God has for me as a woman and wife…oh AND that God has a much much higher calling for men as husbands than to be dictators, who rule over their families with wives who, because they are subservient to them, they “treat as queens”. Remember we are to be submissive in our manner towards our husbands AS UNTO YESHUA/JESUS. If He were to be cruel, and abusive, and self-serving would we be submissive? I think not. He does not call us to that. It is because of His Love for us that we can be submissive to Him. We are called to completely, unconditionally submissive to God, and conditionally (so as unto the LORD) submissive to our husbands. As his head is God, then he is our head. If his head is not God then he is not in place as our head. It doesn’t read this way in English translation due to the manner of translation of the subjunctive for, but the sentence instructs men to love their wives SO THAT wives can respect their husbands.

    THANK YOU and BLESS YOU for writing your review.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *